Y’ain’t Seen?!… Wild Things


Y’ain’t Seen!?… is a semi-regular column about movies you potentially have not seen, or ain’t seen lately.

words :: Feet Banks

Ok, so we know Kevin Bacon is a legend (who has a decades-running and ubiquitous movie game named after and about him), so before we get into Wild Things you should probably watch this:

Because Kevin Bacon, and only Kevin Bacon, goes full frontal in Wild Things (he was also reportedly supposed to make out with Matt Dillon in a shower but that was too riské for 1998 Hollywood execs so the scene was cut.)

Of course, few people recollect this. Which is fair, because the nighttime swimming pool catfight-turned-makeout scene between Denise Richards and Neve Campbell dominates almost everything about Wild Things, which turned 25 this year and kinda sorta holds up in ways that are both less exiciting and more innocent than i expected.

It’s also weird the pool scene became so famous because before that there’s a much more revealing and steamy three-way sex scene (that doesn’t age super well thematically, though the actresses were 26 and 24 respectively when it was shot, not the high-school ages of their characters). Likely this is all because Campbell and Richards are in a pool on the poster, and that poster is seared into the psyche of anyone who laid eyes on it. Another reason is probably this:

Upon it’s release in 1998, Roger Ebert called Wild Things, “Lurid Trash.” Then he gave it 3 out of 4 stars. (He only gave Fight Club two stars.)

And beyond that, i guess it’s safe to say Wild Things is a rollicking, crime-noir flick dripping with sex, betrayal, and a silky saxophone soundtrack like only the late 90s can deliver. There’s also a stacked cast, and i’m not just talking about Denise and Neve. Matt Dillon is in this. And Bill Murray. And Richard Wagner, the Six Million Dollar Man (he fought a Sasquatch once, but the Sasquatch was actually Andre the Giant in a suit. TV was awesome in the 70s.)

But here’s the thing, if Y’aint seen Wild Things, you want to go in knowing is as little as possible. Because a double-crossing whodunnit loses almost all of its charm if some dipshit on the internet prematurely blows all the plot twists and awesome bits. I’m not even gonna post the trailer, there are too few true surprises left in this world.

BE WARNED though: this is not Double Indemnity, it’s barely more than a sleezy excuse to see Denise Richards’ tits (or Kevin Bacon’s bacon) and then watch a raccoon watch a dude get the shit beat out of him. Of course, those are both excellent reasons to watch anything, so have fun.

After (and probably because of) Wild Things, Denise Richards went on to become a Bond Girl, playing nuclear physicist Christmas Jones in “The World is Not Enough.” Here she is creating fission at an event in 2009. PHOTO: © Glenn Francis—PacificProDigital.com

To read more Y’ain’t Seen!? columns go here.

Copyright 2020 Feet Banks

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